Lists

Friday August 31
Lists
I am a woman of lists. As a matter of fact, I have so many lists, that I need to start a list of my lists. I have a to do list, a list of school supplies still needed, a list of textbooks to buy, just to name a few. Some of my lists even have sublists: under the bill list, I also have a paid bills list, a list of bills to pay, and a list of bills not to pay – yet. I have three grocery lists: one for Costco, one for WalMart (in the event I don’t actually need 50 glue sticks or an entire side of beef), and one for just groceries that I can’t get for less money anyplace else.

I have found too, that the number of lists that I have is cyclical. The beginning of the school year is a busy list time for school supplies, books and clothes (and, why do children feel that they need “back to school” clothes – I’d really LOVE to thank the genius that started that trend). I love when the teachers give me their lists so I can add them to my collection. I can collate them, I can alphabetize them, I can even prioritize them – it is really fun. Christmas is also a very busy list time. Toys that are wanted by the children, toys that I can actually afford, toys that I have purchased throughout the year that are no longer cool, and the master gift list of who will get what, and what will be re-gifted. Summer vacation is a real list fiesta for me. I need lists of meals to prepare for two weeks, meals that have been made and frozen, lists of things not to forget to bring (like the dogs – oops – that’s another story), lists of things to buy before we leave, and lists of groceries to buy when we get there (actually two lists: one for WalMart and one for groceries – they don’t have A Costco, so that’s one less list).

We all have lists don’t we? Everyone needs a grocery list, or we would end up with a cart full of twinkies, donuts and ice cream. Even Santa has a list. Probably the biggest list of them all. Santa lives for a list doesn’t he? I think that the person who invented Excel was a list liker. I am teaching my children about lists. I love passing on my wisdom.

So, when someone messes with one of my lists, I am not a very happy camper. The people at Giant Food are messing with my grocery list (nice segway, huh?). I swear, there is some sick puppy at Giant headquarters who is just laughing his (yes, I am absolutely positive that it is a man) a$$ off about every two weeks when he sends out a memo telling all of the stores to rearrange their shelves – again. I cannot wait until Harris Teeter opens next month. A giant employee actually told me that, “they [Giant] might as well shut their doors.” I am assuming she is going for a position in the public relations dept (of either store, you pick).

Back to my grocery list. I am very organized (OK, borderline psychotic) when it comes to making my grocery list for the “big” shop. Every mom knows that, after you shop at a store long enough, you memorize where everything is. So, I make my list in order of appearance in the store. My goal is to get my groceries as quickly as possible before my children start poking each other, making balloons out of the bags in the produce section, using 50 twist ties from aforementioned section to make stick people, or a mini novel from coupons collected from those annoying machines (I honestly consider them free entertainment for my children – I mean, who can resist a machine that keeps spitting out stuff at you).

So, I was beyond frustrated when I found that everything had been moved for about the fifth time in three months. I had one last item that I could not find anywhere: I had already checked the items past three previous locations to no avail. Then, I spotted the store manager (I am very sure he is really happy to have his picture posted prominently so frustrated housewives can hunt him down), and asked, “um, do you know where I can find those “bag n season” things?” “Oh, we’re moving some things around [no, duh, I missed all of the empty shelves and overflowing carts blocking every other aisle], and I think that their still in the back.” I had to ask it, “Why do you guys keep moving everything around in here? It’s really frustrating.” I don’t even remember the response. I just replied, “but my list…”

I have added Giant to my final list, my $#!t list.